The starstruck lovers were never meant to be
They sat beneath the night sky,
Wondering when they could touch
When they could look each other in the eyes
The starstruck lovers were reaching out
They searched for the other's hand
But when the night turned it's darkest
And the black overthrew the light
Juliet came to the realization
That Romeo was never really there
She outstretched her hand, reached up
But reaching for him was like reaching for
The farthest, dimmest, most beautiful star
She reached out for his magnificence
And the wondrous appeal he exuded
She wanted to bite into the wine red
But she knew that if she did,
He wouldn't be the one that bled,
So as she tried to search for what you are,
Romeo know that she longs for you,
And she realized that starstruck lovers,
Are never truly meant to even want one another
It's only the want that makes the juice sweet
The contrition makes little atonement
For the harms to one's own heart
So Juliet kept the magnificent red
At the very farthest she could manage
And whenever the lure drew her in,
She recalled the blood she had bled,
And the starstruck lovers were never there,
Only in her very own wanting and soul,
As fake as an old wig's hair.

I grab my bag
So quickly and then
I bolt out the door
I sprint on away
From all the issues
My predicaments
All of my problems
I want them gone

My bag only has
Whatever essential
Because that's all
I want to carry
But it gets heavier
As time goes on
It gets all filled
With useless things
And problems arise
Once more from
My newly collected
Drama and things
So, then, I dump it
I dump it all out
And toss it away
I turn my head
And pretend to be okay
But then, suddenly
Again, I run away

From all my issues
My predicaments
I want them gone
And so I forget
And so I leave
As I always do
I ran away from
Boston and all that
I ran away from
Seventh grade
And my friends
because I regretted
Acting like a fool
Wanting to make
Something
Meaningless
Because of myself
I became pathetic
But by running away
I simply completed
What I wanted to
Reverse in the first place

I kept on running
And running away
And sprinting
And racing
So time would go
And I could pretend
That I was okay
But I was not
I still am not
I never really was
Because I dropped it all
I watched my issues
And predicaments
Constantly fall
So that was the end
And so I thought

But now I remember
I never really forgot
So can you let me in?
Can you see me again?
Do you remember me?
Do you remember us?
Our times together?
Our jokes and laughter?
Our hugs and smiles?
Our cries and sadness?
Our difficulties?
Our friendships?

All of those things...
I remember them now
I've been running away
But don't know how
Because it's all back
In front of my face
I thought I could turn away
From that horrid place
But I can and never will
Be capable of such
Your past always catches up

It will haunt you down
And catch you
So your old belongings
Will come back again
Those old friends will
Even if it's in your
Very own mind
They'll come back
It'll all come back again
So that bag is useless
Because so much more
Is actually with you

So now I must end
My running away
From before.

Tough, you think you've got the stuff
You're telling me and anyone
You're hard enough

You don't have to put up a fight
You don't have to always be right
Let me take some of the punches
For you tonight

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

We fight all the time
You and I... that's alright
We're the same soul
I don't need... I don't need to hear you say
That if we weren't so alike
You'd like me a whole lot more

Listen to me now
I need to let you know
You don't have to go it alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you when I don't pick up the phone
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

I know that we don't talk
I'm sick of it all
Can you hear me when I Sing,
you're the reason I sing
You're the reason why the opera is in me

Where are we now?
I've got to let you know
A house still doesn't make a home
Don't leave me here alone

And it's you when I look in the mirror
And it's you that makes it hard to let go
Sometimes you can't make it on your own
Sometimes you can't make it
The best you can do is to fake it
Sometimes you can't make it on your own

written by: Bono
performed by: U2

i found this website that tells the meaning of ur name.
here is what my name means:

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic “Type A” personality.

You are balanced, orderly, and organized. You like your ducks in a row.
You are powerful and competent, especially in the workplace.
People can see you as stubborn and headstrong. You definitely have a dominant personality.

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.

You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.


AHEM. THIS THING IS THE FREAKIEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD OF.
EXTRAORDINARILY BIZARRE
I MEAN, IT LIKE ****KNOWS**** ME....
weird... o.O

okay go to:
http://cavaan.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-09-21T19%3A45%3A00%2B10%3A00

and go to:
http://cutecassie.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-09-08T13%3A03%3A00-07%3A00&max-results=20

AND go to:
http://lookbook.nu/user/3982-Amanda-J

and in the at http://lookbook.nu just look around n you'll find the most amazing characters.
all these people put together such inspirational and divine outfits!!!

and here's my FASHION COLLAGE:
(pics courtesy of photobucket.com and google :D)

i have to write:
finish reading chap. 6 (25 min.)
a summary of chap. 6 (30 min. tops)
the chap. 6 vocab (15 - 20 min. tops)
do the chap. 6 charts (20 min. tops)
study for miska (20 min.)


poem i wrote:

Finding Me:

So I’ll keep fighting to find myself
So I’ll keep searing everywhere
And I’ll be looking through it all
And keep going through until I’m caught
Because through each and every fall
I’ve found myself again through it all
And I’ll keep looking through the night
Through the darkest parts without light
Raise my voice above everything here
No matter what looks you give me
I’ll be waiting for me and only me
I don’t need anybody else to tell
Who I am or who I want to be
All I am is who I really need
And who that is, it’s up to me
And I’ll let my voice rise above yours
Don’t let go just keep on going on
So here I am, exactly where I stand
I’m still figuring out my direction
Do I want to devote my life to change?
Do I want to be some famous girl?
Do I want to make a difference in the world?
Do I want my voice and opinion to…
Say something much more than before?
I don’t know quite yet, so I’ll keep looking
And I’ll keep searching for a chance
To let me in…
And I’ll keep looking through it all
And I’ll keep looking at my flaws
The many mistakes I’ve made
So many of them there are, but I’ll go on
Because that which does not kill you
Can only make you stronger
Maybe I’m much too independent
Or maybe I’m surrounded by people
And my predicament is even though
I’m searching for myself…
I’m still wondering what it is that I want
I’m still thinking of who I want to be

-----------------------------------
i need to do my homework. no distractions
-.-

while i was trying to fall asleep, i had the sudden urge to write, so here are the results of my flowing creative juices at ten-thirty p.m. (when i was sick, nonetheless)

The Paper
So I crumpled up the paper
And I ripped it to shreds
And I threw it in the trash
I squished it under old magazines
I tossed in some chewed up gum
So I could be rid of the paper
And so it'd stop haunting me
Because it seemed to see me
Whenever I turned around again
And seemed to see right through
I kept running from the truth
The paper never told any lies
It only read the honest truth
And showed me what I missed
And what I should have done
But there's nothing I can change
It had already fully begun
Yet, whenever I saw the paper
Hidden under that stack
I tried to turn away from it
And make lies out of the fact
Because I made so many mistakes
And I acted like a total fool
But then I tried to forget it
And all of those who were cruel
But it's a part of who I still am
And one day will become
So I took out this new sheet
And wrote out this new plan
I'll only be the girl that's me
And that is and always will be
Who I am.

What She Had Known

i looked into her strong eyes
and wished i could be her
she was so sure and so wise
and the two of them were
so perfect and lovely together
she wrote her own songs
and listened to indie rock
she wanted to be a photographer
or maybe an abstract painter
her head was filled with thoughts
but she was never overwhelmed
and she always knew who she was
she never questioned herself
only those around her
and she made a picture
of all of who she was
and it was all overlapping
in this beautiful collage
however, i looked at my own
and felt too meaningless and alone
i wanted to have beauty
and to be precious like a ruby
while she always had been
ever since i looked into her eyes
it wasn't that i was jealous
of who she had with her
or even of what she owned
but of who she was and what
she had always, always known

there are more, but those were the two best ones...

i'm sick. i said i wouldn't be sick. but i'm sick.
extraordinarily sick.
extremely sick.
grotesquely sick.
bizarrely sick.
completely sick.
totally sick.
sick.
sick.
sick!!!
anyhow, i needed to write out a to-do list so, here it goes:
ABOVE ALL: MUST FINISH SPANISH ESSAY. MOM MUST REVISE AND THEN I MUST PRINT.
1. biology homework - outline sec. 2.3 (2.4 if possible) & finish the worksheet
2. newspaper - finish the revisions and email them to ms. kononoff and print them! & write an introduction to barack obama and joe biden.
3. go over review worksheet for geometry
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. World History - put vocabulary words in chronological order (check what elizabeth sent - not sure!!!), do charts, vocab, and cornell notes for chap. 6 (read, then do)
5. study for miska!!! - the odyssey notes

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
SLEEP
TV
TEA
MUSIC
INTERNET :D
chill-axing time :DDD
*hip-hip!*
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hated me
I hated everything
About myself
I hated them
I hated everything
About them
I hated life
I hated everything
About life
I hated the world
And everything
About it
I hated her
I hated every part
Of her soul
I hated perfection
I hated what it
Represented to me
I hated me
I hated everything
About me
So I changed
I changed myself
I changed emotions
And how I felt
I changed totally
I changed how I felt
Towards them
Towards life
Towards the world
Towards perfection
Towards myself
And I became new
I was a new person
Reborn from
The broken pieces
Of my old self
They were patches
Sewn up together
Blind and deaf
The numbness
And the silence
That was overcome
And it was going
The wheel began
Spinning around
And I changed me
And I loved myself
And I kissed myself
And I hugged myself
And I become myself
All only for the life of
One: that is me

I stood looking down
At the stillness of the water
My stomach churning
My head spinning around
I couldn't believe where
I was standing
Or what lay before me
I could only believe
That I had to push harder
Four quick whistle blows
One long blow
A monotone voice saying:
"Get ready. On your mark."
Then it blew.
I hesitated, afraid of the water.
The pool looked like the enemy.
It was going to take me in.
I dove too deep.
I knew I was losing,
but i had to keep going
I had to keep swimming
i pushed. i shoved. i kicked.
i wanted to go faster
The end approached,
getting nearer and nearer
My arms yearned to be over
my lungs begged for air
my legs begged to stop
my head was pounding
my stomach wanted food
my mind needed sleep
but my body was different
my body needed swimming
my arms needed to pull
my legs needed to kick
my head needed to pound
my stomach needed to wait
my mind needed to relax
my body needed swimming
i need to get so much better
improvement is a must
somehow i know it'll be
much more than just rough
but life is supposed to be
completely unexpected
and nerve-wracking
and stomach-churning
and giving you butterflies
and your toes on the edge
ready to dive on in
knowing that i could keep pushing,
knowing i just had to do
my own best
was all i did
i couldn't give it a rest
my mind needed to stop
but my body said no
it needed to keep going
they argued, fair and square
but my heart won
my heart overruled both
my heart said i needed both
my heart wanted it all
but my heart has already
given up and has been broken
so it did something different
it was so winner, winner,
chicken dinner.
unlike me at all.
i started pushing, harder.
i stretched out my hands.
they were there.
i was done, over.
it wasn't as good as i thought
i've done better
but the only person to compare
myself to is only me
but i was taking a chance.
i was rolling the dice
i was thinking of it all
and considering every fall
and considering all the good
and all of the bad.
and my soul went back
to the pull of the stroke
and kick of my feet
and it wanted to win.
and one day, i will.
until then, here's the plan:
just swim.

They said it'll blow over soon
I'll forget about you
And all the times we talked
And that day in early June
But my mind plays back to then
To when we laughed one day
And you stopped to just say
hello, and I wish it'd happen
once more, so that perhaps,
Maybe you could give it a try
And I wouldn't have to turn
Away from my feelings and say goodbye
Maybe life is all about hello,
But even more about goodbye
But really, when did we say hello?
It all sort of began indefinitely
And it ended that very same way
As it began that early June day

you seemed like the perfect guy
you wore nice clothes and
had an awesome head of hair
we had so much in common,
including so many friends
i understood what you said
you knew what you were about
while I'm still working that out
i wished that something could
happen between the two of us
it was odd, because i remember
when we met each other
and you smiled at me in the hall
and when you caught me
before i was about to fall
i remember each conversation
so crystal clear in my mind
but now it's something distant
that i have to work hard to find
but i've gotten the message
know that it's all understood
you've started to turn away
and began to run from what could
one day i'll look back and think
what a pleasant guy you are
or what about how kind you were
but now i know it's not even her
it's no one else, darling
its merely that i am not the one,
the one you will be calling
or talking to when everyday
however, i've learned a lesson
one very important to me
i may not be perfect or the one
but if I'm not worth your time,
then you sure as hell aren't worth mine

i changed my journal style.
hehe it's barbie's old one.
MUAHAA
im evil. i've been wanting to use it since i saw her w/ it. but i thought it wouldn't be nice to steal.
but now she changed hers.
MUAHAA
*cackles*
OH, SNAPS!
BIOLOGY STUDYING.
AND IT'S ALREADY 9:53!!!
CIAOOOO

 She dressed herself up
In pretty lace and pearls
She turned to someone else
She became like all the other girls
With her pretty makeup
It distracted from her eyes
With her fancy new clothing
She stopped being quite so wise
I saw her transform before me
She paused to look in the mirror
I saw her change completely
I tried to get her to see clearer
But she wouldn't listen at all
I watched her try, fail, and fall
She fixed her bracelets
She ironed her long brown hair
She got rid of it's natural ringlets
She slabbed on sparkly lip gloss
I watched her through this loss
When she merely lost herself
And became the character
And wasn't a pretending actor no more
She was the real thing, my dear
With her pretty lace and pearls
Without her long, wavy curls
She became like all the other girls
And became the very thing 
That was all she really had to fear

I know we said we'd stay together
We'd truly be best friends forever
But now that we look back to then
What has changed, my old friend?
Was it conventional for all of us to
stay close forever, friends so true
All ten of us, we'd never be apart
Those memories remain in my heart
Those fits of giggles and laughter
That lasted until much, much after
Those were the very best days
When life went by like a whirly haze
Even though it's so different,
I truly have nothing to resent
For those times we spent being children
Were the best times, until the very end
When we all had to break apart
And it broke each and every one's heart
Somehow, though, in this new time
You'll remain those friends of mine
Through the communication evolution
Will become our communication solution
As dorky as this may sound,
Our friendship really is bound
to stay close forever and ever
Somehow we'll always be together ♥

So many thoughts going through my mind
A purpose for my life is what I want to find
I'm sick of wasting all this time doting about
I am so overwhelmed, I want to just shout
The pressure keeps building, to an extent
All it's bound to leave an imprint or a dent
Maturity is something you achieve, not gain
Yet, some will never mature, staying the same
I'm trying to organize the path I wish to lead
I am researching and scanning all that I read
I want to live up to all this supposed potential
I want to become what they believe essential
For all I am capable of, I know to give in
Would be such a waste, somehow, I will win
I'll get what I have always deserved, someday
Even if it takes a million years, it will some way

I'll set myself on fire
Because my hope is gone
A dream of us is hopeless
The flame is blown out
You were my desire
And I was never yours
I'll set myself on fire
Then maybe you'll see
What could have been
If only you would open
Yourself up to me
Let me in, oh please
I'll set myself on fire
And travel through rain
On planes, trains, and
Broken down automobiles
I'll bend space and time
I'll walk through the snow
I'll set myself on fire
And throw you a show
I'll dress up like her
And do my hair like her
Put on a pretty little mask
And become your desire
I'll set myself on fire
So that you'll see
What you left behind
What you've been choosing
So you'll see what's me
And then, maybe after
I'll set myself on fire
And your heart in my hand
Not drawn on the top
Right-side up, no down
Then you can look up
And you can't fool me
I'll set myself on fire
And become your desire
But only as my self
No more ribbons and fabric
No more lies and cheats
I'm done with pretending
I'll set myself on fire
Then blow out my flame
I'll stop apologizing
You're the one to blame
A part of me wants to be
Her, your true desire
I'll set myself on fire
One last time, my dear
My waiting is almost over
Chances are over, I fear
Stop me before I leave
Trust me and believe
da-da-da-dum-da-da
da-da-dum-da-da-da
da-dum-da-da-da-da
dum-da-da-da-da-da
da-da-da-da-da-dum
da-da-da-da-dum-da
da-da-da-dum-da-da
Now the flame is still there
But I'm blowing it out
On my own now
You go after your desire
Please, chase after her
I'm done being on fire.

Music

Imogen Heap
PJ Harvey (classic hits, incl. Down by the Water)
Lenka
Belle and Sebastian
She and Him
The Owls
Vampire Weekend
The Cranberries
Kanye West
Oasis
Courtney Jaye
Hope 7
Katrina & the Waves
Pure Disco
Coldplay
Radiohead
Bjork
Elizabethtown Soundtrack
Ella Fitzgerald
Jazz
Victoria Hart
The Kinks
Louis Armstrong
Norah Jones

Books

All We Know of Heaven
The 5 People You Meet in Heaven
Tuesdays with Morie
Running with Scissors
Memoirs of a Geisha
On the Bright Side, I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God
Wuthering Heights
The Host
Michael Phelps Autobiography (he-he)

DVD

Gilmore girls Seasons 6 & 7
Friends (any season)
Everybody Loves Raymond (any season)
The Notebook
P.S. I Love You
Elizabethtown
Harry Potter films
Sleepover
Pride & Prejudice
Atonement
Paris ... (something w/ Keira Knightley)
Anything with James McAvoy
Anything with Gerard Butler
Anything with Leonardo DiCaprio (like this is even something to be suggested or noted. It's a total given.)
Anything with Brad Pitt (Pitt. Pitt. Brad. Brad. Pitt. Pitt. Need I say more?)
Anything with George Clooney (for mom, of course)
Anything with Julia Roberts (a classy woman, an idol of all)
Fashion Documentaries (MJ Louis Vuitton documentary!!!)
Anything with Audrey Hepburn (Breakfast at Tiffany's!!!)
Anything with Julie Garland (must look up to the greats!!!)

Catch Me Before I Fall

Catch me when I'm falling
To the cold hard floor
Catch me when I'm falling
Even if I love you more
Put your arms outstretched
Catch me there, securely
Catch me before I fall
Before I lose my first breath
Catch me when I'm falling
Because I need somebody
Catch me when I'm falling
So I can begin to breathe
Catch me when you think
There's absolutely no hope
Grab my hand, hold me close
Embrace me, that's what
I really need right now
Grasp hold of my lonely hand
It's reaching out for you
I don't really know how
Catch me when you see
That my balance is off
Be my shoulder to learn on
When life gets really rough
Please always be my buddy
I'm always going to need one
Grab my hand, 'cause I
Seem to be all alone
I'm the only one here
Don't you see? Can't you tell?
Please, help me right now
Please, catch me somehow
Be my friend, forevermore
Be my friend, like before
I need you more than I
Could ever put into words
Can you catch me before
I fall and hit the glass door
Can you catch me before?
Can you help me up,
If it gets to be too late?
Catch me when I'm falling
To the cold hard floor
Catch me when I'm falling
Even if I love you more
Put your arms outstretched
Catch me there, securely
Catch me before I fall